I can’t help myself, I have a problem that can’t be solved by any conventional means. I spend nearly  every day doing this for at least an hour, sometimes three in a row. If I could only control myself and stop watching Wife Swap my days would be much clearer and brighter. May I indulge for a minute though?

This is the God Warrior, she was on Wife Swap. She went to a home that was not Christian, and followed astrology. She did not enjoy their company, as this clip will show you.

Wife Swap is possibly the greatest show on television, just behind Star Trek. The basic premise of Wife Swap is that two families with entirely different views on life, religion, gender roles and other lifestyle choices swap wives for two weeks and experience each others lives. This gives way to much argument and eventually perspective and learning, which is the heart-tugging part of the show that really gets me. There are so many differences between people who I simply could never think of. Such as a husband that makes his wife do housework in high-heel knee-length black leather boots (which look fantastic on her), when she isn’t entering her 1-year-old child in beauty pageants.

Why am I compelled to watch this show? Because these are some of the strangest people I’ve ever seen, and I find comfort in knowing that I am less strange. Though should I become a stranger person? If I were stranger, or open with my oddness to the world, I think I would find myself on television if I tried. Television shows are always filled with the shortest straws of the pull, but they are so courageous and energetic that I am envious.

Is the solution I seek to join the televised brave and dumb, become them since I cannot beat them? I think so, but which show should I apply myself towards? I don’t have enough illegitimate children (currently zero) to get on Jerry Springer, nor am I cheating on my man with a woman that is his sister who is really a transsexual. I could get on Maury for a paternity test if I screwed half the town, but I might end up with a child in the end, and that’s not worth the glory of television. Anyone have any ideas of which reality show/game show/talk show I should push myself onto? I cannot apply for Wife Swap, but I’ll keep watching it.