Is this back and forth phone tagging, letter waiting, receptionist message leaving game a typical situation in the job hunting world, or is this just how business is done? I don’t assume that latter, then again I musn’t assume at all when dealing with large bodies of people who’ve much more on their mind, namely representing their corporation or office of government. I leave messages, am told to wait for letters, letters that leave me stressing over night unable to gather sleep until the wee hours (even past my own wee hours) and I am just stressed to the max. I desire so much drink, SO MUCH DRINK, but I must wait until this is all settled, until things have calmed down, the tide has quelled.

Patience is a virtue I strive for though it is something I feel is always tested. I was not always patient and willing, accepting. I can thank my only sponsor in AA that taught me this key element in keeping sober, at least for a day, the key element of acceptance. I have to accept that I am going to have to push through the next week because I know that my mind will be floating with all sorts of excuses to relieve the stress.

I am hopeful the release will come soon though, I am hopeful that all things will quickly come to a resolution and I will be peaceful and happy and content, because I have not been content in so long. No work, no classes, no friends near by, and nobody to love. I blame all these lacking on a lacking of money and an unwillingness to be willing to be willing.

This has been another STREAM OF FUCKING CONSCIOUSNESS. Sorry about that.